The Jacobite Train to Mallaig and Back

"My ticket says Carriage G, Seats 11 and 12 B and F."  B and F?  Backwards and Forwards of course!.  Despite a small problem of double booking, the Jacobite Train departed on schedule at 10.15am from Fort William.

At Banavie we passed over Neptune's Staircase where a boat was perched in a lock high above the rail line awaiting passage to Loch Locky.  "Here comes the refreshment trolley."  "Where's the Witches' hat, butter beer and Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans?."  We have to make do with Snickers and coffee delivered by Neil in a t-shirt labelled "Roll n Stock Buffet."  By carriage G, the catering thermos had almost emptied, and as Neil lifted the container and dribbled the remaining tea, he told a story.  Two linguistic professors, one Spanish and one Gaelic, were having a discussion.  "Is there a Gaelic word equivalent to Mañana?."  "Och nae! We don't have a word to discuss such haste."

Passing grand views of coastal scenes, we arrived at Mallaig for our 90 minute stopover.  Exiting the station we noticed a number of passengers were wearing Hogwarts' costumes and accessories, in some cases whole families had assumed the characters of Griffindor pupils and staff, complete with wands!.  There's not a lot to be said for Mallaig, and they must be dreading the end of the train season.  The sea ferry to The Isle of Skye doesn't draw tourists like The Jacobite service.  Once we had lunched and visited the wharf we headed back to occupy our seats.  A trip to the second hand book revealed whole shelves of JK Rowling's ouvre on sale.

Our worst fears have been confirmed.  The horrible English woman and her pliant husband "Tony?, Tony?!, Tony!!!", have been placed nearer to us than on the outward journey.  If we had Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans we could put them in our ears.  Perhaps that's how they developed the earwax flavour?.  Carriage G has been promoted and we are now coupled to the steaming black engine "The Lancashire Fusiliar".  "Chuff, Chuff!."  Being this close to the funnel means our carriage doesn't fill with smoke unlike the outward journey.  Train spotting tragics with zoom lenses continue to take snapshots from roadways and rocky outcrops.

Oops, we spoke too soon ~ as we entered a low tunnel coal dust and smoke filled our carriage.  The Japanese tourist in the adjacent seat fixed his camera setting to smog and pulled up his face mask.  "Tony, this clue in Friday's Telegraph is wrong."  "There aren't enough spaces for my answer!."

Ben Nevis loomed up ahead as we approached Fort Wiliam.  As we disembarked, the engine driver and stoker waved and grinned through grimy faces as they steamed past.